I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
