this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
