All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
