she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
