Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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