I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
