TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
