I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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