The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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