when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
