I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
