i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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