She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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