So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just pee around me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
