I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
