dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
