My Higher Power is John Stamos
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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