i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
