Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
3 2 1 whiskey
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
