Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
