i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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