so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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