I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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