he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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