According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
