what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
