There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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