Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
