Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
