Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
