apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
