hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
