I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
