If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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