I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
