Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
