I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
