why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
