Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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