smell my finger.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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