So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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