census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
