if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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