he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
