my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
