Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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