It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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