Please, let me fuck your mom
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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