Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
