dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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