hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
